Wednesday, January 05, 2005
thank you for your continual support and love . i really treasure u and i thank god that i have touched ur life and i thank god for each and everyone of you . you are very dear and special to me.
i have made a very big decision today to give up a role . it is a big thing for me coz i might not have any more chances coz of the merger of the channels and also because i am blacklisted in the company . but i have never felt more happy , more relived , more light .
it could be a career altering role , one that could possibly ganer me a best suporting actress title and one that can change the mindsets of producers about me . one that can let me shine again and be at the very top . i was battling very hard to decide if i should do it or not and even when i said no and turned it down . i couldn't understand if it was the right choice .
but i started crying , sobbing like never before and i felt a huge burden lift off my shoulders . only then did i realize that it was not my decision but god's decision . i have been chasing rainbows and placing my expectations on worldly things . on love , on people on my career . and when they fail i crumble , i falter and i get upset and depressed . the lord knew that if i were to do this role , yes i might be successful in it . but i would be doing it so i can prove that i can act , i would be doing it so that i can win an award , i would be doing it so i won't offend anyone in the company and it will only make me want more . the lord humbled me and made me undertsand finally why i chose to say no . that i should not pin my emotions on things that will pass . that i should have my faith in him . only then will i find true happiness , peace and joy .
me of all people , started to believe strongly that i have made the right choice. i am nothing . whatever i have is from god and he will make a way for me despite the odds . although now i don't know what the future holds , although maybe i'll never have any more dramas to do or i might drop out of popularity . i am happy . because i am where i am now through grace and it is no loss to me if i lose everything coz i started with nothing
i know the lord will open up new doors for me . he has better plans for me and he will give me the strength coz he has made a change in me .
i just wanted to share this with all of you beacuse i want to encourage you , when u are feeling down and feeling empty to look upon jesus and he will be your refuge and strength and he will be your comfort and carry you through all your problems . he will fill you with much happines and joy and u will find that doing everything is so easy . when your heart is happy everything u touch will turn to gold . and u will have optimisim and positivity and u will shine bright and u will be special . people will be drawn to you because you radiate his grace and you have his divine blessings.
i might not be the best actress , i might be the best anything . i might be the simplest girl on the face of the earth . but simplicity in god is bliss and i do hope to be the most inspirational friend to you and you in turn to others ; )
i love you all very much and i pray that u too will find happiness and joy like i have
big warm toasty super duper loving hug
deliriousdreams [10:25 PM]